We buck convention and produce a recap podcast that is shorter than the source material this week!
Closing Crawl produces propaganda for the monarchy this week, in exchange for a boatload of eels as we put another squid on the barbie and heads down under the sea.
There is dissension on Mon Cala between the "aggressive squid-like Quarren" and "their peaceful neighbors the Mon Calamari". The Mon Calamari king of the planet has been assassinated, and his son, Prince Lee-Char, is young and untested. The Quarren indicate a preference for self-determination, but the Mon Calamari let them know rules are rules, and the rules are male-line primogeniture.
With civil war now inevitable (question mark?), the Republic sends a clone company led by Kit Fisto and Ahsoka Tano. But the Quarren, backed by Dooku and the Separatists attack first! Tamson tries to kill Lee-Char and fails, and the Quarren retreat for the day. But then they come back with their new super-weapon, Hydroid Medusae! Which are giant cyborg jellyfish. The Mon Calamari cannot beat electrical tentacles, so they retreat to a cave system.
Chocki is getting chewed out by Dooku for letting Lee Char escape because the writers room doesn’t understand ‘show, don’t tell’. Dooku then advocates for internment camps for the Mon Cal in a direct ball kicking to our theory of moral equivalence between the Republic and Separatists. Kit Fisto requests help from his own Space Time (™) with Mace and Yoda. Ackbar continues to Peter Principle poor Lee Char and somehow everyone is cool with that. Meanwhile Yoda stumbles on the idea of conscription, and Obi Wan suggests the Gungans because he’s petty. Kit Fisto uses the dreaded rear admiral on some Quarren to steal their mini sub for his less moist peers. Lee Char goes into hiding. The Gungans are concerned, but Jar Jar convinces everyone that Padme ‘helped’ them suggesting that Gungans are part goldfish, and they promptly decide to jump into the meat grinder of Padme’s poor judgment. Kit Fisto is excited to see Gungans because it means the post victory orgy just got interesting. I can’t think of any other reason anyone would be relieved to see Gungans. Chocki uses a cyclone in a bottle from the local children’s museum to brutalize the Mon Cal and Gungan forces. Everyone but Ahsoka and Lee Char are captured.
We open on Padme, Jar Jar, Anakin, and Kit Fisto being interrogated by Biff Tannen, er, Riff Tamson. The prince and Ahsoka come up with a plan to free the prisoners. Meanwhile, Tamson breaks Padme’s helmet to encourage Anakin to talk. The prince believes that Ri will join the Mon Cal to overthrow the separatists and Tamson… and he’s right. At just the right time, the Quarren, Mon Cal, Gungans, and clones all fight back against the droids and sharks. The prince kills Tamson by shooting an explosive he stuck in his shoulder… and OH GOD!!! That’s a floating, decapitated head!?!
The Clone Wars: Season 4 Episodes 1, 2 and 3: https://www.disneyplus.com/video/0118dfcf-cb59-44eb-bb93-15888e9cb8a6
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